-Hello. -Jimmy Fallon.
-Wow. That’s what I’m talking about.
Come on, now. -Hi, pal. -Thank you so much
for being on our show. I can’t wait to talk about
everything you’re doing. I think it’s so cool. Where are you now?
Are you in New Jersey? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I’m in my studio. -You there with the whole family
and the kids and everybody? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -How’s everyone doing? -Going on three weeks. Everyone’s good.
Everyone’s good. Everybody’s healthy,
thank goodness. Yeah. -Oh, good. That’s what matters. Do they like having —
being around you this much? Is it as cool
as everyone would imagine, being with Jon Bon Jovi? -We’re certainly getting to know
each other on a level. -[ Laughs ] Yeah.
-Everybody’s here. And it’s going on
three weeks already, you know, ’cause
we got out of the city. The night that I heard about
the NBA closing down, I thought, it’s time to go out
to Jersey for a while. But we’ve been here,
and it’s good. -Yeah. Are you — I saw on TikTok your kids have gotten you doing
some choreographed dance moves. Can you believe
that you’re doing that? -That was my sign to say,
“Jimmy, I’m being held hostage.” [ Both laugh ] That was me sending up signals,
and you didn’t come. -[ Laughs ]
I think you did a great job. But now I’m wondering, “Oh, this
is going to happen to me, right? My girls are going to get me —
make me do these things, too.” -Oh, yeah. -Are learning anything about yourself or your family
that you didn’t really know? -That I like to know where
the keys to the studio are, that’s for sure. -[ Laughs ]
A little getaway, yeah. -That’s why I’ve come over here,
to write and to get away. -You’re doing so much.
I want to get into Soul Kitchen, JBJ Soul Kitchen,
how you came up with that, but before we get into that,
you did this awesome thing where you —
It’s called “Do What You Can.” -Yeah. -And what it is is, you sing — How did you come up
with this idea to do this? -Well, I was
at the Soul Kitchen, you know,
one of our three restaurants that we serve in-need population
here in New Jersey. And I was washing the dishes, because that’s usually
a volunteer position, but as we can
no longer have volunteers, I brought my number
out of retirement and was washing dishes. Dorothea took a picture of me and said she was going
to put it up on the website to tell people they could
still come to the Kitchen. She said,
“What should the caption be?” And I said,
“If you can’t do what you do, you do what you can.” And I let it go. But it was
the next day that I went, “Hey, that’s a song title.” So I wrote the song. But as I wrote the chorus
and then the first verse, I thought,
“I’m going to just share this much of it at this time.” And everybody across
this nation, across the world is really living
in real time this song. And I thought
how great would it be if teachers and truck drivers
and policemen and moms and dads could tell me their story,
what they’re going through. So I’m not just writing
fictionally Tommy and Gina. Now we’re writing about you
and you and you. And so I gave you the chorus. I gave you the verse
so you had the melody. I’ve written the rest
of the song, mind you, but we’ve gotten thousands
and thousands of submissions. And I’ve had so much fun
because I sing back what I find on the Internet. You know, I find a few,
and then I’ll sing them and put them out there so, you
know, Mr. Smith or Mr. Jones hears his verse and then
hears me singing it back to him. -It’s a brilliant idea.
I want to play a clip of it. Here’s Jon Bon Jovi,
“Do What You Can.” Hashtag. ♪♪ ♪♪ -♪ Tonight, they’re
shutting down the borders ♪ ♪ And they’ve boarded up
the schools ♪ ♪ Small towns are rolling up
their sidewalks ♪ ♪ One last paycheck
coming through ♪ ♪ I know you’re feeling
kind of nervous ♪ ♪ We’re all
a little bit confused ♪ ♪ Nothing’s the same,
this ain’t a game ♪ ♪ We gotta make it through ♪ ♪ When you can’t
do what you do ♪ ♪ You do what you can ♪ ♪ This ain’t my prayer ♪ ♪ It’s just a thought
I’m wanting to send ♪ ♪ ‘Round here, we bend
but don’t break ♪ ♪ Down here, we all understand ♪ ♪ When you can’t do
what you do ♪ ♪ You do what you can ♪ ♪♪ Here’s your verse. -It’s genius. I loved it. I can’t believe
no one thought of it. And it’s like, I love
that you did the first verse and the chorus, then you kept
playing the guitar, ’cause I was like,
“Do I have to get a cable and learn how to play this?” -Oh, no, no.
I was just down a half step. But that was the whole idea,
you know? If you’re not a musician,
I’m giving it to you. Sing along, you know? Guitar player, play along. -And everyone
from around the world are submitting
and singing with you? -Yeah. Both in verse, some that are just
writing in poetry, some that are actually recording
and singing with me and playing with me
and singing harmonies. I mean, it’s been astounding.
Around the globe. It’s been so cool. -I’ve been meaning
to reach out to you and tell you congrats
and thank you for doing the Soul Kitchen,
you and your wife, Dorothea. How did this come about?
I love this. I think this is one of the
coolest things you’ve ever done. -Well, I thank you.
It really was Dorothea’s idea. It was an offshoot
of the Soul Foundation that I started with — you know, back when I was the co-owner
of the arena football team. But in 2008, Dorothea,
in the economic downturn, said, “All those houses that you’ve
built and the Foundation, now the people that are in
those houses, they can’t eat.” And in that economic downturn,
she started to think about that and created the model. So here we are 12 years later. We have three of them, one in Red Bank,
the second one in Toms River, which also adds
all the service providing for anybody who’s in need, and the third one —
and this is crazy, but kids on college campuses
are food insecure. So Rutgers University embraced
it, and they’re the first. And we’ve been called from
West Coast to the Deep South, universities across the nation that want to have
JBJ Soul Kitchens on campus now. -Explain in normal times what would happen
if you go in to eat. -Sure. If you want
to effect change directly, and it’s Jimmy Fallon,
and you come in, you’re going to see there’s
no prices on the menu. You’ll sit down.
You’ll have a meal. If you choose to participate,
whether you’re washing dishes or working as a busboy or out in
the gardens or sweeping up, those are all
volunteer positions and opportunities
for you to earn your meal. So it’s empowering people. It’s not a handout.
It’s a hand-up. We’ll give you a certificate to
feed you and your whole family just for participating
like that. But if you choose
not to participate and you just want
to pay it forward, if you leave $20 on the table, it’d pay for your meal
and the guy next to you’s meal. And between that
and the volunteers, that’s how we stay afloat. And we’re just about break-even. And then, you know,
I’m able to supplement it. And we’ve had three of them
for 12 years now. Well, the third one
has just opened. But we started this concept
in 2008. -Jbjsoulkitchen.org. We’ll put the chyron up. Go to it. Donate. Anything
you can give is awesome. It would be just so helpful. So thank you so much
for coming on my show. Thank you, guys, for donating. I can’t wait to see you
when this is all over. Maybe I’ll see you
in the summer, and we’ll have
some Hamptons Water. -Yeah, that we will. All right. -All right, brother. Awesome.
Thank you so much. -See you, buddy.
-Bye, pal. Thank you.
Frozen “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” Sung by: Kalia Kids Fun TV [Instrumental Music] [Knock, knock, knock] Do you want to build a snowman? Come on, let’s go and play. I never see you anymore. Come out the door. It’s like you’ve gone away! We used to be best buddies, and now we’re not. I wish you could tell me why. Do you want to build a snowman? It doesn’t have to be a snowman. Go away, Anna. Okay, bye. [Instrumental Music] He he! [Instrumental Music] [Knock, knock, knock] Do you want to build a snowman? Or ride our bikes around the halls. I think some company is overdue. I’ve started talking to the pictures on the walls! Hang in there, Joan. It gets a little lonely. All these empty rooms. Just watching the hours tick by. [Click, click, click, click] [Instrumental Music] [Knock, knock, knock] Elsa? Please, I know you’re in there. People are asking where you’ve been. They say have courage, and I’m trying to. I’m right here for you. Just let me in. We only have each other. Just you and me. What are we gonna do? [Instrumental Music] Do you want to build a snowman? [Instrumental Music] If you wanna watch another Frozen video, click right down here below. Do it! Click it right now! Make sure to give me a big thumbs up and subscribe to our channel. Thanks so much for watching my awesome video! Come on! Click it! Click it!
Oh! Oh god
Nevermind, he’s here (bad singing of You Reposted In The Wrong Neighborhood) Cow!! Cow!! I found a sheep! You can make the sheep fart Bring the cow into the elevator Okay Alright let’s go, bring in the cow, somehow Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Get in, get in!
Cow, get in the elevator That guy pushed the cow out! NOOOOO!!! What is this? Oh, it’s the shit one. Get on, get on Bye! We’re going into the toilet I’m black! Oh, what? Look! I’m black! Ok, this one is the SpongeBob one Oh bruh, I just got hit by a car (bad singing) Uh oh, it’s dark Uh oh, that’s kinda gay, though Wait, wait, I need to hear it The elevator broke (quietly) Shut the fuck up I’m gonna go to the back wall What’s this based on? I feel like- Slenderman, but like, he didn’t appear- OH I’m white now What? Can I have chezburger pls? You can’t say UwU, but you can say I’m gay Can I say you’re gay? Oh, I can’t say you’re gay OH, KOOL-AID! (bad singing of Want You Gone) (bad singing of Chocolate Rain) Oh, I got barfed on, that’s so gross, ewwww (bad singing of Levan Polka) Oh wait! We can get a god on this one, we can get a god on this one! You see the red building?
I’m kinda stuck, I’m kinda stuck, please help It doesn’t matter, just try not to die There we go, got em Y’all got 20 seconds, just saying
It’s fine, we have enough time Shit, push him, push him! Y’all got 5 seconds, just saying Bruh
Rip You’re a waffle, look! Salty’s a waffle!
You’re a waffle! It’s a waffle in a box
What’s he gonna do doe? Open the box, he’s a waffle- oh he’s vibing! Oh! Salute! Oh there we go, there we go, there we go, go go go go go go go! Spongebob Let’s go
Alright, go go go go go There we go Yaga, gaga Got em! He’s in!
Ayyyyy, I’m putting them all in this one corner
lets go Oh, it’s this one again It’s free pizza! I’m gonna get anime hair, bro Get to like, a corner This guy has a Fortnite shirt! Bruh, bruh Ew
Spam kill (bad singing of Spooky Scary Skeletons) Also, Salty’s still a waffle Yeah, you got a problem? (bad singing of Tank!) Oh yeah, yup, I saw that guy What- oh, yay! You have to pick a move, you have to pick a move Bruh First-person! My guy is talking about the economy Bruh Yes Bruh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
You just want to give up? Okay, I think we all have to agree, that 60 seconds is not enough Welcome everybody, this is my voice now Sometimes you just wonder, why the fuck am I even here, you know? Hrng, colonel, I’m the Robloxia Army General You can call me General Poncho
Objective: Survive This is our target This is what I like to beat my meat to daily His name is Ronald I know a kid named Ronald, he watches Naruto
Jump on Going down! Yes, there we go, stand still Okay, when I tell you that you have to, jump down So- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA That was an accident
Looking good, Joker! Why didn’t you check this before? This is the military, you’re supposed to do this- Don’t die or else you’ll be stupid as hell I don’t think that’s how it works The fuse line is still on there, that thing is gonna fucking explode Starting engine! Why do they just have so many red buttons? It’s still plugged in!
Wait, look outside the windows What are these bananas for? To stick up your ass It’s poisoned, oh no the banana’s poisoned WHAAAT! HAHA. I’m just kidding The fuel nozzles are still open! We’re pouring out fuel! This is why you do your research before you —- fly! You’re supposed to make an emergency landing Does that mean we will die? YEAH, we’re pouring out fuel Shouldn’t we be dying right now? Cover me, what? Wait, LIGHTNING?! It’s not striking the wing, at all The motor is fixed now! He just stood there and t-posed on the motor So you’re telling me the banana didn’t have drugs in it? General, we’re finally here Uh, doesn’t look like it
That’s not the fuel canister, that’s the headphone jack, bro I just wanted to do this my whole life! I just wanted to make a big-mac! Just hammer it, what is this kid doing?
LET ME IIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Hey what’s up, they’re having a dance party We had 60 seconds, and we only did it in like, 11 seconds Guys, I have cheese, it can solve the problem! Everyone grabs a parachute! We need to get out there and jump, okay so it’s back there Oh, we have to move through the fire. Oh, you died? Stupid ass. Oh, those are all the people we saved Yeah, also everybody else But you don’t worry my child. My child? Bruh, that’s a skeleton and that’s a human, I’m not sure those are the same species WOAH OH MY GOSH
I need toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper I’m out of toilet paper, it’s My Corona I need toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper I’m out of toilet paper, it’s My Corona Got to make a grocery run, well that sounds fun! Why’m I out here risking my life, Corona? Where’s a god-dammed parking space? Shit, I touched my face! Wait, I think I finally caught My Corona! Stop it, don’t be manic, go inside, NO ORGANIC!?! Oh no, all GMO, Jesus Christ, now I panic! I’ll die-ie-ie-ie-ie WHOA! M-m-m-My Corona I’m out of toilet paper, it’s My Corona Don’t come any closer, huh, I’ll mess you up! I’m just coming in for some wipes, Corona Kroger’s full of empty shelves, oh what the hell Guess I’m stocking up on boxed wine, Corona Nothing’s making sense, no more friends, no more basketball Kids are home from school, it’s raining too, and I’m losing my Mi-ie-ie-ie-ind WHOA! M-m-m-my Corona! M-m-m-my Corona! (with impressive vocal flourishhh) I need toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper Purell and toilet paper Clorox, yeah! (oh damn, that’s high!) When you gonna get to me, g-g-g-get to me?! Is it just a matter of time, Corona?! Will I kill my family in quarantine??? (yep!) Or is it just a game in my mind, Corona? Then there’s Donald Trump WHAT THA FUCK??? Why you shakin’ hands and keep telling us nothing’s up That we’re gonna be fi-ie-ie-ie-ne? WHAT????! M-m-m-my Corona! My-ie-ie-ie-ie WHOA! I need toilet paper, M-m-m-My Corona I’m out of toilet paper, So sick of My Corona I need toilet paper, M-m-m-My Corona I’m out of toilet paper, it’s MY CORONA! BE SAFE OUT THERE, KIDS! PLEASE SEND TOILET PAPER!
– So don’t you just love a hot
cup of coffee in the morning? I literally look forward to waking up just because of coffee. Maybe a little java pick me
up in the afternoon as well. Yup, I have a lot of jobs. Even a little after dinner, I like caffeine, you see where I’m going? But why stop there? I found out you can actually
bake with coffee too and I’m very excited. Here to show us how to
take our love of coffee to the next level is cookbook
author, Danielle Kartes. Come on y’all, give it up for her. (audience cheering) – Thank you so much. – What are we making today Danielle? – You guys we are making an old-fashioned
buttermilk chocolate cake. Is it so good and so easy, and we are topping it with a malted cream cheese chocolate frosting. – [Kelly] I love my job. – You might as well just rub it on my– rub it right there.
– Just paste it right there. – That’s exactly where that’s gonna go. – That’s where we want
it to go, but first thing I want you to do–
– What’s first? – We’re gonna get into teams.
– Okay. – Rubbing on thighs. I want you to get in here. Do you wanna be the dumper or the stirrer? – You be the dumper I’ll be the stirrer.
– You be the dumper, you be the stirrer, okay. Okay, perfect.
– I’ll be the stirrer you be the dumper.
– Follow my lead. This is very technical, it’s not. It’s not technical at all–
(chatting drowns out speaker) What to dump when. The first thing we’re gonna do, so what I’ve got you started with is already you have your flour and your sugar and your baking soda, your baking powder and your salt. So I did that all for you guys. So what I want you to do is start to stir. Oh no, we’re not doing that one first. We’re gonna do our cocoa powder first, so get that in there you guys. – [Kelly] Get that cocoa powder. – [Steven] Whole thing? – Get your little whisk.
– Got my cocoa powder. – Start to mix ’em up.
– Got my cocoa powder. – Next–
(drowned out by Tichina) Here comes your eggs. Give it a beat.
– Eggs! – Give it a beat–
(drowned out by singing) – I love eggs! (audience clapping) – And then here comes your buttermilk. – Give me buttermilk.
– That’s delicious and tangy. And then here comes–
– Buttermilk! (all singing) – [Steven] Stir it up good! – And here comes you vanilla extract. Put your vanilla in there, put your vanilla in. – This is a very pliable whisk. – Oh here, you wanna stop? Do this one. – No I was just like, “It’s very pliable.” (all chatting) – And then next comes the– See yeah, get in there, stir it up.
– I get in there, girl. I like baking. – You can’t mess this up. – Stir it up, stir it up. – Take it easy.
– So next comes– (all singing) Coffee, hot coffee. – Do it. – So this is like an old
Southern grandmother trick, have you ever heard of this? I mean you’re from Texas, have
you ever heard of coffee– – I had no grandparents. – That’s okay, I totally get it. But you know, you just hear
about it on the internet. Okay, so here comes–
– On the internet. – [Danielle] On the
internet, you know Texas– – [Kelly] That information super highway. – Where everybody gets their education. Okay, so here let me get in here. Now we’re gonna pretend by
the powers of television that the cake is all perfect– – Oh my gosh! It’s amazing!
(audience cheering) So stir it in there, pour it in that.
– Dump it in, dump it in. – Now we’re going to do our frosting. You guys, this is the best part. – So you pour it in the pan. – Yeah, pour it in the pan. And if you’re not pouring
it in the pan, who cares? You’re fine, we’re just
gonna move onto frosting. – [Kelly] Let’s move onto
frosting, ’cause I love frosting. – I know, here. Here’s our offset spatula. – So we gave away these Oxo coffee makers during the holidays and people loved them. Is this what you used for the coffee? – Oh totally, it’s delicious.
– Okay. – And it’s super easy and simple to use. So here, you wanna put on your– Yes, look at this. And this is a homemade cake, you want it to feel like undone and messy. There are no rules, that’s
what the book is all about. I dedicated it to moms,
because sometimes we feel like “Oh my gosh am I
doing a good enough job” and we’re doing a good enough job. You know what I mean?
– Yeah. – So give ’em more cake. – I kinda feel like I’m
doing an awesome job. – You’re doing a good enough job. – Tell that to my daughter. – Okay wait, and then we do the side. There we go.
– Do the sides. – See I’m into the decoration. I like the decoration.
– Okay! Now, let’s get into the chocolate part. – I totally messed up as well.
– Here comes all of the chocolate. – This is not good. – No, it’s beautiful! Oh, just do this, now stop. Food stylist trick. – I’m baking a cake! (audience laughing) – So then we just decorate? – Then you just decorate. Look at this. It’s so beautiful. – I love decorating.
– Oh my gosh, you guys, look. – I love decorating like this when somebody else is picking it up. – See, okay. And then on goes your
chocolate in little piles. (audience cheering) – [Kelly] Oh my gosh, woo! – [Danielle] I put a little
bit in the middle for you. We are–
– We are eating your cake. Taste your cake. I feel like I nailed it. – You did nail it. – Lord, please don’t let me gain weight. – You just worked out. – You know what I say, if I’m gonna gain weight,
just make it worth it. – Make it worth it. – Make it worth it. That is so good.
– Isn’t that good? That frosting– – I mean that is really good.
– You’re making worth it and then work it. – [Kelly] And then work it. – You gotta work that weight. – I can’t dance. I’m like, “Here it goes.” – Everyone can dance, everybody
has just different rhythm. – My rhythm is like back behind two steps and I’m like this. – You’re like the Willie
Nelson of dance moves. – Yeah, give me a glass of wine. Blame it on the wine.
– Blame it on the wine. – I baked a cake! – [Kelly] I baked a cake!
Three Little Monkeys jumping on the bed One fell off and bumped his head Mumma called the doctor And the doctor said No more monkeys jumping on the bed! Two Little Monkeys jumping on the bed One fell off and bumped his head Mumma called the doctor And the doctor said No more monkeys jumping on the bed! One Little Monkey jumping on the bed One fell off and bumped his head Mumma called the doctor And the doctor said Put those monkeys straight to bed!
– Vanderpumps. Watch this. I’ve got a whole thing to show you. Oh, who was up all night? Check this out. Vanderpump breast pump. Wouldn’t you like your name in every McDonald’s restroom in America? Not bad. Bicycle pump, basketball pump, air mattress pump, for your broke friends. Pumpernickel bread. – That’s not even a pump. – Well, listen. I went to Hobby Lobby and I
f***ing worked my ass off, so I could (applause) – Welcome back, I’m here with David Spade and that was the clip from
his Comedy Central show, Lights Out with David Spade. You’re hilarious. – Mhhmm – I love that you had a
breast pump on your show. On the show, David and his friends break
down the latest in pop culture. It sounds like a whole lot of fun, so we wanted to give it a shot here too. Which is ripping his idea off, that’s what we’re doing. And this is… – [David] Yeah. – So this is called Lights
Out with David Spade, The Kelly Clarkson Show Takeover. – [David] Whoa. – Yeah. So, I hear you even brought your mugs. – [David] Oh yeah. – We have your mugs. I like this. Yeah, you have your own, get off me. – Oh, get lost. Okay. – Get off mine. – I smell vodka, okay. – Okay, lets meet the panelists, they’re both friends of this show. You know her from The Mindy Project and her Netflix comedy
special Sweet And Salty and he’s the host of the hit podcast Getting Better with Ron Funches. Please welcome Fortune
Feimster and Ron Funches! – [David] Yeah! (applause) – [Kelly] Hi, guys. – [David] How are you? (applause) (inaudible conversation) – Okay. Let’s just get this
thing started, shall we? Okay. – [David] Yeah. – So, there’s a huge
obsession with pimple popping. For some it’s actually more
satisfying than disgusting, to watch someone bust a zit. It’s even a whole thing on reality TV, where should we draw the line? Where do you think? Go, David. – Well, I never watch TV and go ‘I wish there was more puss and drainage.’ (audience laughter) ‘Why can’t they work it into the show?’ And it’s so gross. I’m in the lobby of Jiffy Lube, up at 10:00am they’re playing it. And I’m like, ‘I think it’s a bit early
for Dr. Pimple Popper.’ (laughing) – Well how do you feel, Fortune? – I don’t understand, like okay. A small zi- like, pimple, all right. You’re just like ‘boop’, okay that felt good. But, when you go to these, on these shows or YouTube and you see when, like, when this giant thing comes out. You know what I’m talking about? – Yeah. – Yes I do! – It’s like a jello shot coming out (audience laughter) of someone’s back. – She loves it. – I love it! – Oh yeah. – It’s disgusting! What are you doing, that you have a jello shot in your back? – [David] Yeah. – Why? – You got a hot water bottle on your back. – [Kelly] Things collect. – You got to shower. – Things collect and that is not it. – [David] Things collect. People can still shower
and it still happens. I’m just saying it’s… – But what is that? – It’s dirt and grut and goo. – They really let- (chuckles) People let it go. – They do, okay, okay. What do you think? – Oh, I love ’em. – I love them! – [Fortune] Oh! – I’m with you, Kelly. – I love it! – Yes! – I could watch it all day. – I hope it just takes off, it’s finally a job market my
16 year old son can corner. (laughter) That’s why I want him just making videos of him playing Fortnite and popping pimples and making us millions of dollars. (laughing) – Yeah. That’s little niche market. But you know what, it’s
a gateway gross show. Because now, there’s
My Feet Are Killing Me, and that is- – [Kelly] What’s that? – It’s like- – In this outlet, it’s
called My Dogs Are Barking. (laughing) – First of all, they unroll the sock. And that’s the first ten minutes. It’s like drum roll and then they pull on its boils and- They look like trees, some of these feet. It’s so gross, yeah. I don’t know how it gets- – That’s a TV show, for real? – [David] Yeah. – I’ve never seen it. – I would watch it, I’m just saying. I love all that gross stuff, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. – It’s a good diet, because you watch it and then you barf for 20 minutes. (laughing) – This is where, we
could, we’re so different. I could be eating Oreos, being fine with watching that. (laughing) So okay, dating shows. There’s a new singing version
of The Bachelor coming out. And casting rumors about a senior version. – Oh, okay. – Are these cool spinoffs? Or are they spinning out of control? What do you think, Fortune? – I like the idea of a
senior Bachelor show. Because, you would have 20 women to one man, only because all the men are dead. (crowd laughter) – ’cause they died? – So they eliminate themselves. But I mean, old people need love, too. – [David] Yeah. – I love where your praying went. – Thanks. (cheering and laughter) – What do you think, Ron? – I agree with Fortune, I want to see a senior Bachelor because they don’t have
time to waste, you know? (laughter) They’re not gonna beat around the ****. (crowd laughter) – You never know. – [David] I like- – People could doubt that. – I like this show. It comes on ABC at 4:00pm. (laughing) And I think that most, it’s gonna be longer because most of the show is them
getting out of the limo. (laughter) – [Kelly] It takes a minute. – Help me, give me one second. – Did you know in nursing homes
that, like, STDs are like… – Oh, yeah. – It’s like, way up. – Yeah. – Old people be doing it. (laughter) They like to do it. – They’re like ‘What
else am I going to do?’ – Yeah, they’re like ‘It’s bingo, or doing it.’ (laughing) – Or, put those beautiful worlds together. (laughing) All right, next. Another cultural phenomenon,
The Masked Singer. So, this competition. (audience cheer) Yes. So this competition series has judges guessing who’s performing, beneath the outrageous costumes. But my question is, why do they- my sisters obsessed with this show. But they always guess like Tom Cruise, or like, Barack Obama. (chuckles) And I’m like, ‘You really think they’re under there?’ Like, I mean… – And then it turns out to be Screech. – [Kelly] And it’s just like, so, yeah. – Every time. Every time. – [Kelly] Like, what if- – Beyonce? (laughing) – I mean, it’s weird. What do you think about it? – It seems like a publicity ploy, right? Where, there is someone who’s like, ‘I bet Barack is gonna be under there. I better keep watching…’ – Yeah, that’s the trick. – ‘In case he really
is under that banana.’ – Who are these people, that think that? – [Fortune] What is that, a cat? A cat? See the cat? – [David] Yeah. You see the paraquee? Yeah, I know. And then, because it’s
like, like you said. They pitch it like, ‘Is it Lady Gaga? Could
it be Kelly Clarkson?’ People who are unbelievably great singers, I thought that was the hook of the show. Like oh, we got to guess from the voice, these great singers. But then it’s Chong. (laughing) And then you go, ‘Not even Cheech?’ (laughing) – Not even Cheech. (laughing) Ron, what about you? – I just agree. It’s always disappointing. You think it’s gonna be Tom Hanks and then it’s David Spade, or something. (laughter) – Don’t laugh at that, Kelly. Don’t laugh. (laughter) You’re on my team. – You’re on my team, dammit. – How would you feel, singing with a mask on? – I would, I would love that. I wouldn’t have to do hair and makeup. (laughing) I feel like I do. – Can I go as the girl in sweatpants? – I feel like I do have
a mask on, right now. And someones hair. – Have you noticed, they take 40 minutes to take the mask off? They go ‘Who is it?’, goes dah dah dah, cut away, cut away, cut away, cut away. They never get to it. I’m like, ‘Take it off!’ You know what I mean? – [Kelly] Yes. – They do that, though. – 45 minutes later. – Even on Idol, they waited
for ever to tell you. – [David] Yeah. – And I’m like ‘This is
just mean, whatever.’ – It reminds me of like, Christmas, when you’re real excited and you think you’re gonna get a bike and you open it up and it’s just like, tube socks in the shape of a bike. (laughter) – In the shape of a bike? Like a balloon animal? – [Ron] They were real mean parents. – Yeah. (laughter) There’s your bike, Ron. – [Kelly] At least they were creative. – My mom used to give me IOUs. She’d be like… (laughter) (audience awing) What? – I’m gonna start crying. We’ll be back. – She’s like, ‘I owe you a decent childhood.’ (laughter) – My favorite with my family was, we were religious. And they would be like, ‘Oh, were not doing presents this year because you know, it’s about the Lord and Jesus and so-‘ And I was like, ‘It’s just code for we’re broke again?’ – Yeah. (laughter) – You can just tell me we’re broke, it’s fine, I get it, but… Okay, one more. Girl scout cookies. Girl scouts are going to crazy extremes, to boost sales. Like, they’re setting
up outside weed shops. – Weed shops? Selling them at college parties. Should there be rules to, you know, how or when or where you can sell them? Ron? – I mean, they’re just selling them
everywhere I hang out. It’s not fair. (laughter) – They’re monsters. – I’m just going to weed
shops, college parties. Everywhere I go, girl scouts bothering me. They’re like government
sponsored drug dealers. They’re like, ‘Oh, you want this
peppermint chocolate crack?’ And I’m like pfft. Yeah, I owe girl scouts
several hundred dollars. (laughter) – A lot of ’em, I think
they have too many. They used to have a few, now there’s so many, they’re so specific. This kid goes, ‘Hm, you like to fall
asleep to forensic files? Here, try coffee-tastic.’ I’m like, ‘Hm, okay.’ – Well I heard that they’re even selling them online, now. They’re basically cutting
out the middle man. – Not cool. – And the- the girl
scouts are the middle man. (laughing) – Yeah. – They don’t even need those little ****. (laughing) – Fortune! That’s enough! – I’m used to being on… – [David] On my show. – This guys show. – My show’s horrible, yeah. – I’m just gonna be real, I think that those kids are really smart. Because, all those people got the munchies, coming out of that shop. – [David] That’s true. – And college people are drinking, doing whatever they’re doing. They’re all, they’re all- you’ve found them in a vulnerable state. And you’re taking advantage of it. – [Fortune] Yeah. – I think that’s great entrepreneurship.