Articles, Blog

how to make jorts | bdg

August 13, 2019


The days of spring will surely bring the birds
and bees cavorting. But since I am a gentleman, I’d much rather
be jorting. Hi, I’m Brian David Gilbert, and if you’re
familiar with my filmography or discography, you know that I am a jorts enthusiast. Get along! Now that the weather has warmed, I have received
hundreds upon hundreds of emails from hungry fans asking, “Brian, how do you make jorts?” Though the jortmaking process is incredibly
personal and introspective, I would be happy to share with you my method so that you might
take your first steps on the journey to jorts. Step one: Choosing the right jeans. A true jortist understands that you cannot
buy jorts off the rack. In fact, you must use jeans that are well-lived
in, and well-loved in. Or else you might commit the greatest sadness:
a jean jorted before its time. I’ve been wearing these jeans for about a
year and a half, and they’ve graduated. Step 1a: Practice! They say it makes perfect, and that’s certainly
true for jorts. Do a few practice passes with the scissors
to make sure your hand is strong. Be careful not to get any dirt or bodily fluids
on the jeans during this step. Especially blood. You cannot get blood on the jeans during this
or any step of the process, I cannot stress this enough. The consequences are dire. Do not bleed on the jea- Step 1b: Reminisce. Your jeans have been with you through a lot,
so let’s celebrate that. Visit your favorite amusement park. Frolic on the beach together. Step 1c: Respect. Your jeans deserve some commendation for their
years of service. Create a piece of art that symbolizes your
bond. Serenade the jeans with a song you’ve written
for them. *Singing* I can’t believe my eyes I’ve got
some jeans around my thighs, and… This would be a great time to invite any talent
agents if you’re looking for representation, as I currently am. Hi, I’m Brian Dav… Instead of throwing your jeans into the laundry,
why not hand wash them one last time? *vigorous scrubbing* Come on. Come on. Step 1d: Listen. To the jeans. They’re speaking to you. Can you hear them? Their words are quiet but the implications
are loud. You awake one day to find that the jeans have
spelled out their preferred jort length on the walls of your apartment in ancient runes. You can’t escape their words. They find you in your sleep. It’s babbling, but, though you might not understand
it on a surface level, you understand it viscerally. You understand it better than the words your
colleagues say, your peers, anything the world has taught you up to this point. Maybe you could understand it better if you
just listened closer. Listened harder. Maybe if you stopped listening to everyone
else. Step 1e: Fear. *sound of a door opening* *door slam* *distant singing* Step 2: Cut the jeans. Congratulations. Your journey to jorts is over. It’s finally over. That’s a good pair of jorts.

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100 Comments

  • Reply name game July 22, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    youre v preetty

  • Reply Pxtxrparkxr Cos July 22, 2019 at 5:06 pm

    I love you so ducking much

  • Reply Rebecca Wakin July 22, 2019 at 8:12 pm

    I had a dream last night after I watched this at 2 am and in said dream I was just out on the town and some new Pokemon were being announced on a big screen (it's a dream idk why it was on a big screen) and I stopped to watch and Brian David FUCKING Gilbert walked up next to me and I was like "you're not gonna attack me right? Cause I wanna see these new Pokemon" and he shook his head and was like "no I wanna see them too". So we just watched and it was taking forever to announce it cause come on you know how long this shit takes, and his friends come over and are like "dam they still haven't announced it yet" and we were like "yeah wtf" so we just kinda set up a little area with like pillows and shit (again idk its a dream) and we sit next to each other and we end up talking about things I genuinely don't remember and you have no idea how much it pains me that I don't REMEMBER. anyway i end up like with his arm around my shoulders and I'm leaning on his?????? Idk like and then the big reveal happened and we all were like "OH GODDAMN IT OF COURSE ITS THAT, WHAT THE HELL DUDE" and we all just collectively laughed about how shitty that Pokemon(?????) was. It was great and we started talking again and I looked back at the screen for some reason and I don't remember what we were talking about but he goes "well how about…" And I look over and we just like kiss????????? Like ?!??!?? Wtf brain why did you make me dream this?? Of course the dream went on and I was lying in his arms and we were all just hanging out and it was a really good dream and I woke up so confused cause I already knew I had a crush on this man but then my brain made it worse and I had to get this out somewhere. I'm pretty sure he won't see this so that's why I'm putting it here. Just to clarify I have no ABSOLUTELY NO interest in dating or anything like that with him, I am 17 and I live in California so there is no way I would even CONSIDER but yeah I'm shook cause in my dream I was his age and that just made me sad when I woke up so yeeeeaaaahhhhhh

  • Reply Typing Noises July 23, 2019 at 2:07 am

    This is honestly all the chaos energy I’ve been looking for. I fucking love all BDG shit. Unraveled is my crack cocaine.

  • Reply Walker Harris July 23, 2019 at 2:10 am

    You can marry me, if u want

  • Reply Space Gay July 23, 2019 at 3:15 am

    hi brian this is the fucking worst

  • Reply John The Dork July 23, 2019 at 3:32 am

    I’m pretty sure I’ve just been indoctrinated into a cult. Yay.

  • Reply Rin Cho July 23, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    the world is far to hot and dry now for you and your jeans to live as you once were.. no matter how much you may feel that the blood of your relationship is on your hands, it is never your fault that you both simply outgrew your relatioship. it's good to move on, change is good. right?

  • Reply Emilyissocool July 23, 2019 at 9:51 pm

    I’m now scared of Jorts wtf

  • Reply DapperJazz July 24, 2019 at 1:14 am

    It’s…. so… chaotic… so, so chaotic….

  • Reply Jesse James July 24, 2019 at 11:52 am

    Ha ha what?

  • Reply LumpySpaceBrotha July 24, 2019 at 6:31 pm

    You should leave polygon and make surrealist comedy videos again

  • Reply Savanna C July 24, 2019 at 7:50 pm

    Did the Jorts kill him?

  • Reply -xX666Archain666Xx- I Approved by China 1927-1949 July 24, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    scissors are a peasant's tool, i scalpeled the shit outta my jeans

  • Reply Jack Fairbrother July 25, 2019 at 7:20 am

    What the £&#^ is a jort

  • Reply Laura AK July 25, 2019 at 10:03 am

    I am more scared of Brian’s moustache than of step 1e

  • Reply William1234567890123 Cook July 25, 2019 at 10:10 pm

    Thanks!

  • Reply Caia Crow July 26, 2019 at 1:37 am

    antoni from queer eye voice “the jort making process is actually something that can be so personal”

  • Reply Zirmus July 26, 2019 at 4:12 pm

    Thanx YouTube for showing me this!!!😻😻

  • Reply Hey it's Elaine July 26, 2019 at 6:26 pm

    Is this Dr. Suess’ “the pants with nobody inside them”?

  • Reply it's complicated July 26, 2019 at 8:01 pm

    First i've read "how to make a joke" then "how to make a joint" i think i'm dyxlesic

  • Reply Me L July 27, 2019 at 12:56 am

    this is a masterpiece, thank you. it has won my love and sub

  • Reply Eliézer Cunha July 27, 2019 at 5:08 am

    fuck you are HOT fuck me pls

  • Reply Emily Slack July 28, 2019 at 2:17 am

    did i ever think i'd be anxious about jeans? -my sister

  • Reply pxlybius July 28, 2019 at 8:19 am

    This is better than any horror movie that has come out of Hollywood

  • Reply Evvie Potter July 28, 2019 at 8:30 am

    brian i would not be surprised if, when the great sleeping lord cthulhu awakens, you would be his mouthpiece and ambassador to the human world

  • Reply Will Be July 28, 2019 at 8:48 am

    make an arg or riot

  • Reply Mari Roos July 28, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    I can't believe I got scared by a pair a jeans

  • Reply Rogin Losa July 28, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    I replay this way too much

  • Reply Jy a na Ki tty Cat July 28, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    I ask
    Where is Lake District walking video

  • Reply Katrina Berdou July 28, 2019 at 5:28 pm

    Is this an Ari Aster film?

  • Reply Shaenev July 28, 2019 at 8:12 pm

    Damn it's been forever since I've watched a video so well crafted

  • Reply Amelia Khawam July 29, 2019 at 12:51 am

    He looks like Picasso 👀

  • Reply Mari Roos July 29, 2019 at 5:22 am

    This is a cursed video

  • Reply H2 L1 July 29, 2019 at 5:55 am

    This man. Where are you? I need to marry your brain.

  • Reply Ella Marvell July 29, 2019 at 6:29 am

    IM WATCHING THIS AT 2 AM and i will no longer sleep

  • Reply m mar July 29, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    this might be my new favourite youtube channel

  • Reply Zuko Lockridge July 30, 2019 at 1:37 am

    3:49
    Me: Everybody gangsta till the Jeans start walking

  • Reply Mad Man July 30, 2019 at 1:52 am

    I was honestly scared during the 1.E fear segment. That is of course until the jeans started walking. I was delighted by that wonderful moment.

  • Reply Hello there July 30, 2019 at 3:11 am

    I didn’t realize jorts were jean shorts until he had the scissors to the jeans.
    OML I forgot how to spell scissors and actually cried after 5 tries 😭

  • Reply Rachel Danielle Fleming July 30, 2019 at 8:58 am

    A video about some good old fashioned jean shorts has suddenly turned into The Scottish Play

  • Reply Lemnaj Cavite July 30, 2019 at 11:47 am

    Am I alone on the noticing of the fact that he wore jeans in the beginning but then went to jorts after the camera change?

  • Reply Gabriela Rietz July 30, 2019 at 1:01 pm

    I clicked on this video expecting jorks to be “short jokes” but this video was also great

  • Reply Myles Fe July 30, 2019 at 4:34 pm

    Can we get some girls over here to help this poor man with the blood in his jeans

  • Reply Adrianna Han July 30, 2019 at 8:38 pm

    For some reason your videos remind me of don’t hug me I’m scared

  • Reply Imagine Wagons July 30, 2019 at 9:04 pm

    Brian what the fuck

  • Reply Melodic Transmission July 30, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    3:47

  • Reply Veereble Atsim July 30, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    I started getting uneasy… in a silly video about making jorts. I do not appreciate it, my good sir.

  • Reply Jelly Beanium July 31, 2019 at 12:01 am

    2:17 when Velma realizes THAT THEY'RE DEAD

  • Reply Kino Uura July 31, 2019 at 1:15 am

    When you stumble across Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

  • Reply inblooks July 31, 2019 at 5:01 am

    all this for some saturday jorts

  • Reply Jonah Epstein July 31, 2019 at 6:48 am

    This is the exact reason why I don’t wear jeans.

  • Reply Mollie Henry July 31, 2019 at 10:12 am

    My mum recently told me that a pair of her jeans have a hole near the ankle but she isn't ready for the responsibility of jorts

  • Reply PixelatedNerd July 31, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    this is actually terrifying for multiple reasons incomprehensible to the human mind

  • Reply Logical Overdrive July 31, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    This got real "don't hug me I'm scared" real fast

  • Reply Samantharia76 July 31, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    This is the only mustache I will ever tolerate.
    Also this was horrifying.
    ALSO I feel like this is just a place for the LGBT+ community to hang out and I love it.

  • Reply Ande Richardson August 1, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    AND his initials are BDG… i cant

  • Reply Weird bot August 2, 2019 at 12:42 am

    may is in spring, The demon that he see's at night near his bed said he will die on may 6th of 2030, I THINK I'M ONTO SOMETHING.

  • Reply Haley Lentz August 2, 2019 at 1:35 am

    I’m scared to ware jeans now

  • Reply Shay Adair August 2, 2019 at 3:46 am

    What a funky little man

  • Reply Xephyr2209 August 2, 2019 at 4:17 am

    BRIAN ARE YOU OKAY

  • Reply Star Specks August 2, 2019 at 8:56 pm

    Haha, what?

  • Reply Grace August 2, 2019 at 9:25 pm

    Ok the Sandra (ex wife on emails at 0:23) in this video is def connected to the Sandra birthmark from the buy my bed video, the story here is getting deeper

  • Reply Xochitl Stanley August 2, 2019 at 11:28 pm

    This was terrifying, thank you

  • Reply Mike Leslie August 3, 2019 at 2:19 am

    Anyone else feel sort of creeped out by the fact that Brian's windows are completely white?

  • Reply John's Burrtle August 3, 2019 at 2:50 am

    I'm so freaking scared but his hotness is kind of distracting me from the fear

  • Reply Eva x August 3, 2019 at 10:30 pm

    I thought he meant jorts as in jokes until half way through

  • Reply Arielle August 4, 2019 at 4:47 am

    “Get along”
    throws cat

  • Reply daisy doo August 4, 2019 at 9:03 am

    0:12 i just heard a thump when he dropped the cat and i whispered out loud 'is it dead?'

  • Reply Alex Holmes August 4, 2019 at 9:58 am

    Is this a Welcome to Nightvale episode

  • Reply minnie August 4, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    "get along."
    drops cat with a thud

  • Reply okashi10 August 5, 2019 at 1:01 am

    Today I found you and today I subscribed.

  • Reply aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh August 5, 2019 at 1:27 am

    Step 1-E:

    F E A R

  • Reply TrainingDruid7 August 5, 2019 at 6:25 am

    Watching his at 1 :24 am, step 1-e was actually pretty creepy. I'll be having nightmares about pants now.

  • Reply Püré Csótány August 5, 2019 at 9:51 pm

    We need more

  • Reply Flipflopz Threeonethree August 6, 2019 at 2:01 am

    The "a little above the knee" translation of the ancient runes makes me wheeze laughing every time I watch this

  • Reply Guinea Girl August 6, 2019 at 3:25 pm

    Okay okay all of BDG's vidoes have the same energy as the Don't Hug Me I'm Scared videos. All of them. Every single one.

  • Reply joop foop August 6, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    haha what

  • Reply RiceCakes August 8, 2019 at 1:12 am

    ”a jean jorted before it’s time”

  • Reply Living Person August 8, 2019 at 10:05 am

    Step 1e: F E A R

  • Reply Cheshire927 August 8, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    He warns you not to get blood on the jeans because then the jeans will have a hunger for blood and will go after you.
    The process of making jorts is to kill jeans before they kill you.

  • Reply Devyn August 8, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    instructions unclear; dick stuck in jorting phase

  • Reply Michelle Williams August 8, 2019 at 11:48 pm

    This got suddenly creepy lol

  • Reply Pluto August 9, 2019 at 6:49 am

    Thanks! I've been looking for a good, new pair of jorts 🙂

  • Reply Even North August 10, 2019 at 4:15 am

    This silly video is kind of amazing. I honestly wish i was this fucking talented to write and make something like this

  • Reply Noah Kimball August 10, 2019 at 4:44 am

    So, jorts are made in self defense?

    Fair enough

  • Reply Jayden Apollo August 10, 2019 at 6:33 am

    Hey Brian, not to be dramatic, but this is actually a cinematic masterpiece. I’ve watched this at least 5 times. I’ve shown it to my family twice. I notice something new every time I see it. Absolutely fantastic you funky goblin man.

  • Reply Website User000 August 10, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    I'm never going to recover from hearing "Step 1, E: Fear".

  • Reply Honey Button August 10, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    I’ve been on this channel for one day and I’m in love with it

  • Reply napoleon's left socc August 10, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    This is fever dream don't hug me I'm scared

  • Reply Inexact Hyperion August 11, 2019 at 2:59 am

    I've paid money for less effective horror experiences

  • Reply ThunderSky August 11, 2019 at 7:28 am

    That is not just above the knee by any stretch

  • Reply William Sebren August 11, 2019 at 4:30 pm

    Somehow this made me ever more infatuated with you, Brian.

  • Reply Marky Mark August 11, 2019 at 8:16 pm

    Absolute pure genius

  • Reply Sara Lehman August 12, 2019 at 2:50 am

    Brian I need to know which of the 802 Pokemon are edible. Please, I’m so devastatingly hungry.

  • Reply E August 12, 2019 at 4:56 pm

    i wish i had the vocabulary to discuss how well made this is but i don't think words to describe this kind of art exist yet

  • Reply Pixel Potaters August 12, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    Does this video have anything to do with May 6, 2030?

  • Reply CerpinTxt87 August 13, 2019 at 1:06 am

    Did anyone notice he wasn't wearing jorts in the first couple seconds? This is a fake video. Open your eyes, sheeple

  • Reply bergbath August 13, 2019 at 2:07 am

    this video is just cuil theory n i love it

  • Reply Caitlin Brindel August 13, 2019 at 3:11 am

    1:53 thank me later

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